A Sindhi calls up the Times of India office and wants to place an Obituary for his dead grandfather … the conversation went as below:
Sindhi: How much does it cost to print an Obituary in Sunday edition of the Times of India?
Help Desk (TOI): Sir, we charge Rupees 50 per word.
Sindhi: (Thinking)… Hmmm… Wari likho ni… “DADA DEAD”.
Help Desk (TOI): Sir, you have to give a minimum of five words.
Sindhi: (Thinking harder)… Hmmm… Wari sochne do… hmmm likho ni… “DADA DEAD, HONDA FOR SALE”.
CNN Late Breaking News!
It has been reported that Osama bin Laden was captured this morning at 4:22 AM Pacific Standard Time by U.S. Special Forces.
The main suspect of the attack on the World Trade Center in New York City, bin Laden was captured at gunpoint as he fled an underground tunnel in a deserted mountainside of southern Afghanistan.
Northern Alliance troops, who witnessed the events unfold, explained that moments earlier United States war planes had sprayed liquid Viagra across southern Afghanistan, and the little prick just popped up!
*Stand on top of the high board and say you won’t come down until your demands are met.
*Tell the lifeguards that they aren’t doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people drown today.
*Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.
*Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.
*Take a flutter board and pretend you can’t swim.
*Hit strangers with your flutter board.
*Ask an attractive lifeguard to practise CPR on you.
*Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, ”Oh yeah… oooh that feels soooo good….”
*Sit on the top of the water slide and don’t move.
*Swim near a stranger and go ”Dammit I knew I shouldn’t have had watermelon before I came here.”
*Insist that you saw a monster at the bottom of the pool.
*Pretend to drown and then when someone tries to help you, say ”HA-HA, fooled you!”
*Scream as someone is trying to do something when jumping off of a diving board.
*Laugh at fat people in swimsuits.
*Tell people you saw the lifeguard pissing in the pool.
*Ask a lifeguard if skinny-dipping is allowed.
*Try to negotiate the price of getting in.
*Take a really long time when you are on top of the high dive and then act as though you were pushed off.
*When in line, ask strangers if they think invisble people get a discount.
*Take your towel, tie it around your shoulders and say ”Wheee! I’m Batman!” while running around.
*Hit strangers with your wet towel.
*Throw people’s things into the pool.
*Sing and dance on top of the dinving board, then do a belly-flop as your grande-finale. *Play Marco-Polo by yourself.
*Ask small children if they have seen any suspicious-looking sea monsters lately.
1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: “Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!”
2. Whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a Small World” incessantly.
3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: “Got enough air in there?”
4. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go “plink” at the bottom.
9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: “I’ve got new socks on!”
10. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: “Oh, no, not now, damn motion sickness!”
11. Meow occasionally.
12. Holler “Chutes away!” whenever the elevator descends.
13. Walk on with a cooler that says “human head” on the side.
14. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce “You’re one of THEM!” and move to the far corner of the elevator.
15. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers “through” it.
16. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask “is that your beeper?”
17. Say “Ding!” at each floor.
18. Say “I wonder what all these do” and push the red buttons.
19. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
20. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your “personal space.”
21. Announce in a demonic voice: “I must find a more suitable host body.”
22. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
23. Wear “X-Ray Specs” and leer suggestively at other passengers.
24. Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on.
HE IS THE COW. “The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And because he is female, he give milks, [ but will do so when he is got child.] He is sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. [ horses dont have any such
What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth.Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species. Also his other motion.. gober] is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes[like Pizza ] , in hand , and drying in the sun. Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns,specially so when he is got child.
This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards.He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies.
This is a true essay written by a Bihari candidate at the UPSC (IAS) Examinations.We are informed that the candidate passed the exam.and is now an IAS, in bihar.